| Too Much Compassion |
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| Copyright © 2006 - 2010 - Barry M. Baker - CareerPoliceOfficer.com |
| Disclaimer |
| CareerPoliceOfficer.com is not responsible for the contents of any linked site or any link contained in a linked site, or any changes or updates to such sites. Links are provided only as a convenience, and the inclusion of any link does not imply endorsement by this site. |
“It is much easier to show compassions to
animals. They are never wicked.”
animals. They are never wicked.”
~ Haile Selassie
Whatever expectations you have concerning your police career, you will,
with absolute certainty, frequently witness real human tragedies. You
may, or may not, have some control over your level of involvement in
those tragedies.
It's important that you possess compassion and display sensitivity for
tragedies experienced by others. However, you have to consider the
human capacity for inflicting harm, and the unbelievable number of ways
that harm can be inflicted.
Think about this...in the space of one week, you could handle two separate
homicides, a sexual child abuse, a dozen or so domestic violence calls, a
couple of street robberies, and any number of other things. If you end up
working in a high crime area of a large city or metropolitan area,
experiencing this high level of activity is not unusual, so you'll be
interacting with a lot of people who are experiencing extremely stressful
situations.
Some police officers will show little to no compassion toward victims of
crime, or they may be very particular in choosing those to whom they
display some level of compassion.
On one occasion I responded, with other officers, to a report of gunfire.
We found a young man rolling around on the sidewalk grasping his left
hand with his right hand. He was screaming and bleeding, and his
sawed-off single barrel 12 gauge shotgun was laying on the sidewalk
nearby.
From the physical evidence and witnesses, it didn't take long to learn the
whole story. In fact, in an area where witnesses were often scarce, there
were no lack of witnesses eager to describe the details of this event.
It turned out that the victim was an area drug dealer, and he was involved
in a verbal argument with a rival drug dealer. As the argument escalated,
our victim tried to remove his sawed-off shotgun which he had concealed
inside his pants with the barrel running down the inside of his right leg.
He immediately experienced difficultly in freeing the gun from his pants,
so he reached down with his left hand and grabbed the end of the barrel to
push up on the gun.
Well, you know what happened next. His stress and lack of coordination
resulted in the shotgun discharging through his pants and into his hand.
The blast completely severed the index, middle, and ring fingers of his left
hand.
To say that this victim was receiving no compassion from anyone would be
an understatement. If any family or friends were present, they didn't
show themselves. The officer handling the call did exactly what he was
supposed to do. He called for paramedics, collected the shotgun, identified
witnesses, and responded to the hospital to attempt an interview with the
victim, before he charged him with the gun violation.
As the ambulance departed followed by the other officers, I decided to
locate the victim's fingers. It turned out that the blast had carried those
fingers far and wide from the point of impact. When three teenage girls
asked me what I was looking for, they offered to help, and we soon located
all three fingers. I was amazed at how cleanly severed the fingers
appeared to be. Talk about a lack of compassion, the ring finger still bore
what appeared to be an expensive ring, and one of the girls ask if she could
have the ring. Even though I denied her request, she still graciously
emptied her paper soda cup providing me a container to collect the fingers.
I had one more stop to make. I walked to a liquor store nearby where the
owner provided me with a plastic bag filled with ice. I placed the fingers
into the bag, and I drove to the emergency room where I delivered the
fingers to the hospital staff.
To say that I showed compassion for this victim of his own stupidity would
be a false assumption. I felt absolutely no compassion toward him. I only
did what I thought to be the right thing to do, and that's where it ended. I
never made any attempt to learn if the doctors had any success in
reattaching his fingers, or, if the doctors had even attempted such an
operation.
You'll soon learn that there are many people who are not, and never will
be, deserving of compassion. With all the terrible things you're going to
see, you don't want to waste any compassion on those who don't deserve
your compassion. Of course, you will frequently meet those who are
deserving.
As a young officer, I was assigned to foot patrol in a residential area that
was experiencing a rash of weekend street robberies. It was 8:00 on a
Sunday morning as I stood at the corner of a very empty intersection. As
I looked around, I saw one elderly woman walking toward me. The
woman, who I would later learn was 78 years old, was all dressed up for
church which I would also soon learn.
She was a small woman and frail as you might expect a woman of her age
to be. As she walked directly toward me, she made eye contact with me,
and I smiled and said, "Good morning." I received no smile or similar
greeting in return. The woman simply stopped and looked up at me as she
spoke, "Officer...I need you to come to my house. I just killed my
husband."
We walked in silence to her home which was in the same block. As we
walked through the front door, I asked, "Where is he?" The woman
simply pointed to the stairway leading to the second floor. I quickly
located her husband on the stairway landing between the first and second
floor. The 80 year old was a big man, and he looked to have been fit for
his age. He was in an awkward sitting position with his back against the
wall and his head was slumped forward. The large hole in his left eye
socket was quite noticeable, and it was also noticeable that he was quite
dead. There was very little blood, and it was not immediately evident that
the hole was the result of a gunshot wound since I observed no exit wound.
That question was soon resolved when I moved his head back to get a
closer look at the wound. His skull was shattered, and it felt like I was
holding a bean bag.
I turned toward the woman and asked, "Where's the gun?" She led me to
the kitchen where she pointed to a 4-10 gauge shotgun leaning against the
wall. The small gauge of the shotgun accounted for the lack of an exit
wound as well as the frail woman's ability to use the weapon. I then
simply asked, "What happened?" She explained that she had gotten ready
for church when her husband denied her permission to attend church. He
was standing on the top landing blocking the stairway when she retrieved
the shotgun from the upstairs bedroom. She explained that she simply
pointed the gun and pulled the trigger. Her husband tumbled down the
stairway and came to rest where I'd observed him. She told me that after
nearly sixty years of marriage, she "just couldn't take it anymore." She
went on to say that she'd intended to go to church and tell her pastor what
had happened, but, when she saw me, she realized she should tell me what
had happened.
The woman had initially admitted her guilt to me with the unsolicited
statement that she'd killed her husband. Feeling a sense of compassion
toward the woman, I purposely did not give her Miranda warnings at that
time. I wanted to know more about what had happened, but I did not want
any further statements she made to me to put her in more jeopardy. At
this point, I gave the woman her Miranda warnings, and I emphasized her
right to say nothing to police officers; until, she had counsel from an
attorney. I then ask the woman if she had any family members or others
she'd like to have contacted. Following her wishes, I telephoned her
granddaughter and explained the circumstances. I also promised to stop
by her church and explain to her pastor why she was absent from church.
As we waited for arrival of the Homicide detectives, I explained to her that
the detectives would be very nice to her, but she should not talk to them
about what had happened; until, her granddaughter could arrange for the
arrival of her attorney. Even though she indicated her understanding of
my directions, I knew the detectives would have her talking in no
time...she had the innocence of a child.
As your police career progresses, you never want to lose your capacity to
show compassion; however, you don't want to go the other way either.
When you watch the television cop shows, you often see police officers
agonizing over the tragedies of others. Of course, you'll also see the so
called documentaries and breaking news stories where real cops are
gushing with hand wringing emotional displays of compassion. One could
begin to wonder which is imitating what.
As a police officer, you're the person who's suppose to keep your head
when those around you are losing theirs. If you let your compassion go
too far, you'll quickly run out of energy and time to fulfill unrealistic
commitments to others to whom those commitments should have never
been made. You need to understand that you'll have many ways to aid
others in time of tragedy that are completely within your powers as a
police officer without personalizing that aid.
Why do you think psychiatrists and psychologists treat each other. It's
because, unlike you, they have fewer meaningful ways of influencing or
controlling the behavior of others. When you let your compassion take
you beyond what you can realistically do, and into that murky world of
psychology, you're going to suffer the same stress of frustration from
overcommitment and failure.
A friend of mine was barely past brand new when he got his first
assignment to make a death notification. He had to notify a mother that
her son had been murdered in another state. After he got all the
information from the Communications Division, he rehearsed several
versions of what he might say as he drove to the woman's residence.
He knocked on the door, and a woman answered. He verified that the
woman was the woman he was seeking. Forgetting most of what he'd
rehearsed, he simply came to the point as best as he could, "I'm sorry to
have to tell you that your son, Marcus, died this morning in South
Carolina." Actually, he did quite well. He didn't use words like murdered,
shot to death, killed, etc. He braced himself for an emotional response
from the woman.
The woman paused for a few seconds with a puzzled expression on her face.
"Which one is that," she asked? The officer got his response, but one for
which he was totally unprepared. As it turned out, the woman had ten
children, most of whom had left her care at young ages for various
reasons, and she was simply having a problem putting the name with the
face. She displayed no emotion as the officer ended his non-event by
giving her all the information he had regarding the death of her son.
The most important thing for you to remember is to never do anyone
harm through insensitivity. Even when people are undeserving of any
display of compassion from you, it won't kill you to show a little anyway.
When you encounter those who are truly deserving of your compassion,
just don't let yourself get carried away.
with absolute certainty, frequently witness real human tragedies. You
may, or may not, have some control over your level of involvement in
those tragedies.
It's important that you possess compassion and display sensitivity for
tragedies experienced by others. However, you have to consider the
human capacity for inflicting harm, and the unbelievable number of ways
that harm can be inflicted.
Think about this...in the space of one week, you could handle two separate
homicides, a sexual child abuse, a dozen or so domestic violence calls, a
couple of street robberies, and any number of other things. If you end up
working in a high crime area of a large city or metropolitan area,
experiencing this high level of activity is not unusual, so you'll be
interacting with a lot of people who are experiencing extremely stressful
situations.
Some police officers will show little to no compassion toward victims of
crime, or they may be very particular in choosing those to whom they
display some level of compassion.
On one occasion I responded, with other officers, to a report of gunfire.
We found a young man rolling around on the sidewalk grasping his left
hand with his right hand. He was screaming and bleeding, and his
sawed-off single barrel 12 gauge shotgun was laying on the sidewalk
nearby.
From the physical evidence and witnesses, it didn't take long to learn the
whole story. In fact, in an area where witnesses were often scarce, there
were no lack of witnesses eager to describe the details of this event.
It turned out that the victim was an area drug dealer, and he was involved
in a verbal argument with a rival drug dealer. As the argument escalated,
our victim tried to remove his sawed-off shotgun which he had concealed
inside his pants with the barrel running down the inside of his right leg.
He immediately experienced difficultly in freeing the gun from his pants,
so he reached down with his left hand and grabbed the end of the barrel to
push up on the gun.
Well, you know what happened next. His stress and lack of coordination
resulted in the shotgun discharging through his pants and into his hand.
The blast completely severed the index, middle, and ring fingers of his left
hand.
To say that this victim was receiving no compassion from anyone would be
an understatement. If any family or friends were present, they didn't
show themselves. The officer handling the call did exactly what he was
supposed to do. He called for paramedics, collected the shotgun, identified
witnesses, and responded to the hospital to attempt an interview with the
victim, before he charged him with the gun violation.
As the ambulance departed followed by the other officers, I decided to
locate the victim's fingers. It turned out that the blast had carried those
fingers far and wide from the point of impact. When three teenage girls
asked me what I was looking for, they offered to help, and we soon located
all three fingers. I was amazed at how cleanly severed the fingers
appeared to be. Talk about a lack of compassion, the ring finger still bore
what appeared to be an expensive ring, and one of the girls ask if she could
have the ring. Even though I denied her request, she still graciously
emptied her paper soda cup providing me a container to collect the fingers.
I had one more stop to make. I walked to a liquor store nearby where the
owner provided me with a plastic bag filled with ice. I placed the fingers
into the bag, and I drove to the emergency room where I delivered the
fingers to the hospital staff.
To say that I showed compassion for this victim of his own stupidity would
be a false assumption. I felt absolutely no compassion toward him. I only
did what I thought to be the right thing to do, and that's where it ended. I
never made any attempt to learn if the doctors had any success in
reattaching his fingers, or, if the doctors had even attempted such an
operation.
You'll soon learn that there are many people who are not, and never will
be, deserving of compassion. With all the terrible things you're going to
see, you don't want to waste any compassion on those who don't deserve
your compassion. Of course, you will frequently meet those who are
deserving.
As a young officer, I was assigned to foot patrol in a residential area that
was experiencing a rash of weekend street robberies. It was 8:00 on a
Sunday morning as I stood at the corner of a very empty intersection. As
I looked around, I saw one elderly woman walking toward me. The
woman, who I would later learn was 78 years old, was all dressed up for
church which I would also soon learn.
She was a small woman and frail as you might expect a woman of her age
to be. As she walked directly toward me, she made eye contact with me,
and I smiled and said, "Good morning." I received no smile or similar
greeting in return. The woman simply stopped and looked up at me as she
spoke, "Officer...I need you to come to my house. I just killed my
husband."
We walked in silence to her home which was in the same block. As we
walked through the front door, I asked, "Where is he?" The woman
simply pointed to the stairway leading to the second floor. I quickly
located her husband on the stairway landing between the first and second
floor. The 80 year old was a big man, and he looked to have been fit for
his age. He was in an awkward sitting position with his back against the
wall and his head was slumped forward. The large hole in his left eye
socket was quite noticeable, and it was also noticeable that he was quite
dead. There was very little blood, and it was not immediately evident that
the hole was the result of a gunshot wound since I observed no exit wound.
That question was soon resolved when I moved his head back to get a
closer look at the wound. His skull was shattered, and it felt like I was
holding a bean bag.
I turned toward the woman and asked, "Where's the gun?" She led me to
the kitchen where she pointed to a 4-10 gauge shotgun leaning against the
wall. The small gauge of the shotgun accounted for the lack of an exit
wound as well as the frail woman's ability to use the weapon. I then
simply asked, "What happened?" She explained that she had gotten ready
for church when her husband denied her permission to attend church. He
was standing on the top landing blocking the stairway when she retrieved
the shotgun from the upstairs bedroom. She explained that she simply
pointed the gun and pulled the trigger. Her husband tumbled down the
stairway and came to rest where I'd observed him. She told me that after
nearly sixty years of marriage, she "just couldn't take it anymore." She
went on to say that she'd intended to go to church and tell her pastor what
had happened, but, when she saw me, she realized she should tell me what
had happened.
The woman had initially admitted her guilt to me with the unsolicited
statement that she'd killed her husband. Feeling a sense of compassion
toward the woman, I purposely did not give her Miranda warnings at that
time. I wanted to know more about what had happened, but I did not want
any further statements she made to me to put her in more jeopardy. At
this point, I gave the woman her Miranda warnings, and I emphasized her
right to say nothing to police officers; until, she had counsel from an
attorney. I then ask the woman if she had any family members or others
she'd like to have contacted. Following her wishes, I telephoned her
granddaughter and explained the circumstances. I also promised to stop
by her church and explain to her pastor why she was absent from church.
As we waited for arrival of the Homicide detectives, I explained to her that
the detectives would be very nice to her, but she should not talk to them
about what had happened; until, her granddaughter could arrange for the
arrival of her attorney. Even though she indicated her understanding of
my directions, I knew the detectives would have her talking in no
time...she had the innocence of a child.
As your police career progresses, you never want to lose your capacity to
show compassion; however, you don't want to go the other way either.
When you watch the television cop shows, you often see police officers
agonizing over the tragedies of others. Of course, you'll also see the so
called documentaries and breaking news stories where real cops are
gushing with hand wringing emotional displays of compassion. One could
begin to wonder which is imitating what.
As a police officer, you're the person who's suppose to keep your head
when those around you are losing theirs. If you let your compassion go
too far, you'll quickly run out of energy and time to fulfill unrealistic
commitments to others to whom those commitments should have never
been made. You need to understand that you'll have many ways to aid
others in time of tragedy that are completely within your powers as a
police officer without personalizing that aid.
Why do you think psychiatrists and psychologists treat each other. It's
because, unlike you, they have fewer meaningful ways of influencing or
controlling the behavior of others. When you let your compassion take
you beyond what you can realistically do, and into that murky world of
psychology, you're going to suffer the same stress of frustration from
overcommitment and failure.
A friend of mine was barely past brand new when he got his first
assignment to make a death notification. He had to notify a mother that
her son had been murdered in another state. After he got all the
information from the Communications Division, he rehearsed several
versions of what he might say as he drove to the woman's residence.
He knocked on the door, and a woman answered. He verified that the
woman was the woman he was seeking. Forgetting most of what he'd
rehearsed, he simply came to the point as best as he could, "I'm sorry to
have to tell you that your son, Marcus, died this morning in South
Carolina." Actually, he did quite well. He didn't use words like murdered,
shot to death, killed, etc. He braced himself for an emotional response
from the woman.
The woman paused for a few seconds with a puzzled expression on her face.
"Which one is that," she asked? The officer got his response, but one for
which he was totally unprepared. As it turned out, the woman had ten
children, most of whom had left her care at young ages for various
reasons, and she was simply having a problem putting the name with the
face. She displayed no emotion as the officer ended his non-event by
giving her all the information he had regarding the death of her son.
The most important thing for you to remember is to never do anyone
harm through insensitivity. Even when people are undeserving of any
display of compassion from you, it won't kill you to show a little anyway.
When you encounter those who are truly deserving of your compassion,
just don't let yourself get carried away.
The reattachment of severed limbs such as fingers is becoming a
fairly common medical procedure experiencing more success as
time goes by. When some hospitals first began attempting those
procedures with some regularity, I was still a patrol officer.
fairly common medical procedure experiencing more success as
time goes by. When some hospitals first began attempting those
procedures with some regularity, I was still a patrol officer.
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